Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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