I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
