I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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