Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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