I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
