I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
