So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
