Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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