last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
