I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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