Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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