How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
