He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
