how can u be prego again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
