when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
