Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
