i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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