you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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