those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
