Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
