Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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