I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
