Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
