the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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