They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
