I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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