6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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