There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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