so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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