watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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