don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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