I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
