So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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