so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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