You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
