Pappa wants mamma naked
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
