why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
