i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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