you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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