she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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