Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
