I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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