I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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