So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
