Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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