please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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