For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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