"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize