I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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