so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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