chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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