I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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