i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
