if i can run in heels then i can drive
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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