you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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