im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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