i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
