all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
