well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
