Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
