Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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