When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
