Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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