I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
