Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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