We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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