The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
